Mixed emotions

It feels weird to have two different emotions going on at the same exact time. I just got the phone call that my cycle was cancelled. My estrogen went down from 94 to 81. That is ridiculous for someone on day 28 of their cycle. It is ridiculous for someone who has been injected in the stomach with Follistim for about twenty three days. In a way I am gutted that I put so much into this cycle. I injected for so long, I left work two times to rescue my drugs from the 100 degree heat, I froze sperm for this cycle, all the emotion and frustration that went into this cycle. What a waste. I had a feeling that this cycle would be screwy from the start. I started this cycle on a weird period that was barely there. It never had a good start.

I also feel a little relieved. No more shots for a while. There doesn’t have to be a night #24. Hubby will have a chance to actually be there when I have an iui. Though if he has to go away again during this time I’m going to kick his butt. He is going away again in August, but with me on birth control I doubt I will be ready by then.

So yea… The woman is checking for me on what to do with the sperm my husband just brought in today. It cost us $325. She is checking to see if they have frozen it yet (they probably have) and what it will cost to save it or what our other options are since I just got cancelled.

While I was on the phone I started asking questions since I was with the nice woman who did my sono. I wonder if I had a different person if they would have cancelled me. I asked what if I have another barely there weird period? Does that mean that the next cycle is shot again? Is there another something I can take with my birth control to make my next cycle better and have more estrogen? What can we add to the next cycle? It’s because of these questions that I scheduled a consult with my RE again. I want to know what he thinks. He may say I can’t really do anything that we just have to get my estrogen up like everyone has been saying recently, but he is the RE. He is the one who has the power to make the decisions so hopefully he will say something. I think I’m going to keep a pad of paper near by and jot down questions to ask him.

So yea. I got cancelled. This was the first cycle I had a chance with more than one and I am pissed that I got cancelled and that it took so long to not respond. They said that they will probably start me at a higher dose next time. Luckily, this cycle doesn’t count as one of my last two cycles before I possibly have to do a lap. So freaking annoying. Yet again I’m a little relieved. Not happy, but relieved.

So now, I’m dealing with biling and the nice lady about what to do with the sperm since my husband just brought it in. It was a good sample (54million). She said I can either just trash the sample, keep it in case I do ever do ivf since they do keep a frozen sample just in case they need it for that, or if hubby is ever out of town again when I need him. We decided to save it just in case.

An in a retro kinda way my lining was 6.2 this morning and I had a leading follicle that was 12×16 which rounded to a 14mm one which is shameful for where I was in the cycle.

• Posted in: Infertility