Mixed emotions

It feels weird to have two different emotions going on at the same exact time. I just got the phone call that my cycle was cancelled. My estrogen went down from 94 to 81. That is ridiculous for someone on day 28 of their cycle. It is ridiculous for someone who has been injected in the stomach with Follistim for about twenty three days. In a way I am gutted that I put so much into this cycle. I injected for so long, I left work two times to rescue my drugs from the 100 degree heat, I froze sperm for this cycle, all the emotion and frustration that went into this cycle. What a waste. I had a feeling that this cycle would be screwy from the start. I started this cycle on a weird period that was barely there. It never had a good start.

I also feel a little relieved. No more shots for a while. There doesn’t have to be a night #24. Hubby will have a chance to actually be there when I have an iui. Though if he has to go away again during this time I’m going to kick his butt. He is going away again in August, but with me on birth control I doubt I will be ready by then.

So yea… The woman is checking for me on what to do with the sperm my husband just brought in today. It cost us $325. She is checking to see if they have frozen it yet (they probably have) and what it will cost to save it or what our other options are since I just got cancelled.

While I was on the phone I started asking questions since I was with the nice woman who did my sono. I wonder if I had a different person if they would have cancelled me. I asked what if I have another barely there weird period? Does that mean that the next cycle is shot again? Is there another something I can take with my birth control to make my next cycle better and have more estrogen? What can we add to the next cycle? It’s because of these questions that I scheduled a consult with my RE again. I want to know what he thinks. He may say I can’t really do anything that we just have to get my estrogen up like everyone has been saying recently, but he is the RE. He is the one who has the power to make the decisions so hopefully he will say something. I think I’m going to keep a pad of paper near by and jot down questions to ask him.

So yea. I got cancelled. This was the first cycle I had a chance with more than one and I am pissed that I got cancelled and that it took so long to not respond. They said that they will probably start me at a higher dose next time. Luckily, this cycle doesn’t count as one of my last two cycles before I possibly have to do a lap. So freaking annoying. Yet again I’m a little relieved. Not happy, but relieved.

So now, I’m dealing with biling and the nice lady about what to do with the sperm since my husband just brought it in. It was a good sample (54million). She said I can either just trash the sample, keep it in case I do ever do ivf since they do keep a frozen sample just in case they need it for that, or if hubby is ever out of town again when I need him. We decided to save it just in case.

An in a retro kinda way my lining was 6.2 this morning and I had a leading follicle that was 12×16 which rounded to a 14mm one which is shameful for where I was in the cycle.

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22 Comments

  1. EC

    I’m so sorry!!! What a pain…that has got to be so frustrating. 😦 I hope the RE has some answers for you.

  2. OH! I’m so very sorry. I was hoping that everything would work out perfectly this cycle for you. It’s so frustrating that our bodies just don’t cooperate the way they’re supposed to. I really hope that your RE has some advice on what to do next time.

  3. I am so sorry. Sending hugs your way…..

  4. Nic

    I am so sorry, you seem to be handling it really well. It’s good to ask all your questions, there maybe something that can help.
    Hugs x

  5. Ugh I’m so sorry it got cancelled 😦

  6. AL

    I’m so sorry LFL. This royally sucks 😦

  7. Jem

    That is screwed up. Is there any way you could make this a “natural” cycle? You’ve put so much work into this.

  8. Ugh, that totally sucks. I’m really sorry =(

  9. FCblacksheep

    Sorry. Hugs. Despite the cancellation you were amazing this cycle. You hung in there right up to the end, and after 23 days of poking yourself, I’d say that’s pretty incredible.

  10. Oh no. No no no no. I am so sorry LFL. The next cycle will go much better. Hang in there.

  11. Marla

    I am so bummed that your cycle got cancelled. After so many times of doing this, you would think that they would have had your meds right by now. I mean, those meds aren’t free and your money doesn’t grow on trees. So I’m glad you’re meeting with the RE. You need some answers.

    This is frustrating as sh*t! *hugs*

  12. ifcrossroads

    Oh hun, I’m so sorry! I was cancelled 4 times last year and I know how bad it can suck. But for you to have had to endure over 3 weeks of shots, that’s just the icing on the cake.
    I hope your RE can give you some insight as to why the heck your Estrogen is so low. You’d think that after this, they could supplement your Estrogen with pills or patches to get it up.

    • I keep asking for that and they say they only do it for IVF since they are suppressed. They say that they are using the follistim to increase my estrogen because when I get bigger follies they increase my estrogen. I’m going to keep asking though. There has got to be something they can do.

  13. I can’t believe it! This is terrible! All the hopes and appointments and shots. I’m so, so sorry. I am really glad they’ve scheduled a consult with the RE, though.l I wonder if something else would work better than Follistim? What about Gonal F or Menopur?

    • I’ve never used those, I’ll have to do some googling to read more. But yes, all of that down the drain, blech.

  14. Jessica

    I am so sorry to hear this….you must be beyond frustrated. Keeping you in my thoughts!!

  15. So sorry you got bad news about this cycle. I hope you will get some answers that will lead to a much better result next time!

  16. JC

    I’m so sorry!!! I know what it’s like to go through the whole cycle and roller coaster and get your hopes up only to have it come crashing down in the end when it’s cancelled. It’s so hard! I hope you’re ok and I hope your RE has some good answers and a plan for you. Wishing you tons of luck!!!

  17. oh no! i’m so sorry. i hope you get some answers soon. i think the higher dosage will probably be a good thing for your eggs, but then they just have to get your estrogen sorted out! can they put you on estrace or something? thinking of you. hugs.

  18. How frustrating. I think going prepared with questions is good. Will you for sure have to have a month on BC pills?

    • yea. They think it makes my estrogen rise and that way I get my period at the end of it. Otherwise I will be waiting forever.

  19. so late in commenting. i’m sorry that you got canceled that sucks. hoping your next cycle goes much much better

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