Happy holidays

I hope that everyone had a good holiday or day off yesterday. We went to my mother-in-law’s house and had lots of yummy food. I made sweet potato casserole with marshmallows. This year LM helped a little by stirring the potatoes and dumping in the brown sugar.

We all got lots of good presents. Everyone liked buying for LM. He got a huge thing of cars, a bunch of Jake and the Neverland Pirates stuff and some Thomas stuff. I feel like my house is going to be taken over by toy cars lol. What do you guys do with toys your children have outgrown? We have been putting them away. I am not 100% we aren’t going to have another child, but pretty sure, and I don’t want to have to deal with post offices so I am not sure.

I got some cool new headphones that will stay in my ear when I run, a women’s running book, and some stuff for my phone.

Before we went to her house I got on the treadmill and tried week one day one of a 10k program so I would keep up with my exercise and help with some of the calories. I don’t remember which one, but it had walking segments which I liked. It was a five minute walking warm up and then running for eight minutes and walking for one minute five times. I got through all of it except for the last run walk segment because the husband wanted me to get in the shower so we could go. I would like to do the 10k programs, but I just don’t have the time. I figured out the math on how long the workouts are for c25k and 10k and made my own. I am thinking of doing 3 segments of 9 min running/1 walking and then 10/1 and 11/1. One of my goals is to try to run outside more when it is warmer so to prepare I am also thinking of doing c25k again, but on a 1% incline. I am not sure which I will start with.

I got on the scale this morning (probably shouldn’t have) and I gained weight again. I have now gained back four pounds. When I write it out like that it doesn’t sound as horrible as seeing it on the scale because it put me in a higher weight category. Hopefully now that the holidays are over it will get easier to eat healthy again.

How I lost the weight so far

A lot of people have asked me along the way what I have been doing to lose the weight I have lost (approximately 30 pounds). Keep in mind I am only doing what works for me, I’m not a professional, and I’m not perfect. I still have a really hard time with eating more than I should on the weekend and gaining a pound or two over the weekend. I’m in that cycle right now and it’s really frustrating. I know it’s hard during the holiday season. With my current goal I have about 15 more pounds left to lose.

In March I joined a gym. I was just walking on the treadmill. Just trying to get some exercise in. I am not sure how consistent I was, but I tried to go three times a week. Then one day I found myself running instead of walking. It got me to thinking about the Couch 2 5k program. I had done it once, but quit after week three because that is when more of the running kicks in. I decided to try it again and did really well. I loved listening to the podcasts people had made and this time finished the program. In the end I could run 30 minutes straight, but not necessarily a 5k because I"m short and run slow. After I finished the program I tried to keep the running up, but I wasn’t sure what to do so I went back to walking. I talked to someone at the gym and ended up doing the hill program on the treadmill which is pretty good and you can burn a lot of calories using it. I tried some other machines, but I never was as good as I was on the treadmill. I still tried to and still am going to the gym about three days a week. I also learned how to do strength training. Twice a week I try to do a circuit of the arm and leg machines in the gym. I should be doing the abdomen machines as well, but I have a limited amount of time before I go pick up my son from daycare.

In July some of my awesome twitter friends started talking about something called the fitbit. I am a bit of a nerd and love gadgets so I decided to get one as well. I have the fitbit one and I LOVE that thing. It basically tracks how many steps you take as well as a bunch of other fancy things. When I first got it I was just going to track my steps, but I learned that it can sync with myfitnesspal. The way the two work together is awesome. You enter the calories you ate into myfitnesspal and then the amount of exercise you did from your fitbit syncs and myfitnesspal subtracts those calories from what you have eaten and you can see how many calories are left. I have PCOS and was going to just try a low-carb diet, but I love carbs, always got headaches, and had a hard time keeping up low-carb. So I tried counting calories and it worked for me. I know that the amount of exercise calories the fitbit enters for exercise isn’t perfect, but I always try not to eat or at least not eat all of my exercise calories.

These days I am trying to like running. I like the running culture, the calories it burns, and I want to keep up being able to run for 30 minutes. I have found running to music with the correct beats per minute is sorta cool, but I don’t crave running yet. I am hoping to be able to just zone out and for it to become a stress reliever, but I’m not there yet. I am trying to run three days a week and see what I think. I still stare at the time on the treadmill and just get through it. I may vary it by the speed I go (I am a major slow-poke), or the incline I use (I mostly just use the treadmill and use no incline, but I’d like to change that). I ran/walked a 5k over the summer, which was pretty cool. I want to do another 5k when it warms up again and I do a little more training outside. I don’t see myself going farther than a 5k though, I just don’t have the time to run more than 45 minutes most days. I also just got a chromecast which I want to use on the weekends. I wanted to add another workout on the weekends to help with my overeating on the weekends and to keep the weight loss going, but do something different than running and fun. So with my chromecast I am going to do an exercise video on the weekends. Last night I did Sweating to the Oldies. By 30 minutes I was tired. So I know I got a good workout.

So hopefully as I get closer to my goal weight I am able to keep it all up and stay motivated in eating well and exercising.

Rebranding

I have been thinking a lot lately about blogging again, but with a different focus. Recently I have been trying to lose weight and have done so successfully. I am down a little over 30 pounds and still have about 15 or so pounds left. During this process I have added in exercise, changed my diet, and focused on some new things instead of just infertility and I want to blog about them. I will still blog about day to day stuff and learning to just be me and not caring what others think, but that is still something I am working on. So if your interested in still following I hope you will stick around 😉

Busy

I haven’t blogged in a while again. Things have been busy. I can’t even remember the last time I wrote. What have we been up too?

I’m still working out/counting my calories. I am now down 33.7 pounds and still going. I have about 16.2 pounds left until the weight I set as my goal weight way back when, when I just grabbed a number out of thin air. We will see what happens when I reach that weight. I’m still working out or trying to three times a week. I even managed to run 3 miles during my thanksgiving break while out of town on a relatives treadmill. I also took a walk outside but it was cold so that didn’t last long. I’m still using my fitbit and I love that thing. I just joined a beta for the app that lets me test out using it on more android phones besides just the very small few that bluetooth syncing works on at the moment.

Our thanksgiving break was good but busy. We drove 5-6 hours to visit hub’s family. That trip was a whirlwind. I feel like we visited so many people and were constantly driving and going to different peoples houses. LM had a lot of fun with the older cousins (middle to high school girls) who loved playing with him and thought he was so cute. By the end of the trip though we were all really tired and ready to be back in our own space.

LM is doing great. Full of energy, well except for two weeks before thanksgiving when he got another ear infection, but we didn’t realize it till later. His tube was clogged so it didn’t drain so he got nausea as a symptom and threw up twice. That wasn’t fun. Glad that is over. He is now off his antibiotics and has cut another two year molar. I think he has three of those now. I will be very glad when that is done. He loves watching youtube videos of children’s songs and is sorta addicted, but I try to keep it to when we need him to be calm/quiet ie at a doctor’s office or out somewhere or when he really needs calming. He has watched a million versions of wheels on the bus and can sing all the different verses. Many times at night he will just break out in song. It’s usually wheels on the bus or old mcdonald, but sometimes he will change it up. He is doing great at daycare and is making friends, well as much as a two year old can. He is very verbal and picking up new words all the time. This morning when I picked him up out of his crib he said "I have green dinasaur’s on my pjs!" The other day I was carrying him into daycare and he asked me to run and I said I couldn’t, because I had a lot of stuff to carry. He said "having trouble mommy?" He really surprises me sometimes on what he says. He is a smart cookie. He is getting taller, but is still thin. I think he is about 25-26 pounds. He is now wearing 18 to mainly 24 month shirts and a lot of his 18 month pants are getting short. I just bought him a bunch of new pants in 24 months.

One of my new years resolutions – yes I already have one is to live less in my head. I feel like I think way too much about what I am going to say to someone or what I’m going to do and if it’s the cool thing to do or what that person will think if I say a certain thing I need to get out of my head and just be me and do what I want and get more fun and enjoyment out of life. I have thought about making a blog or steering this one towards that and my working towards that, but I haven’t thought it all out yet.

Thoughts about second babies

Recently I have seen many people around me trying to get pregnant or who are pregnant with their second babies. I have always said I am not ready, and now I’m wondering if I will ever be ready. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I think the answer is no. There are many parents in LM’s daycare class, parents I see around, and friends who are currently pregnant with their second and it does get to me and still bothers me some. I was even a horrible person and asked one of my playground mom friends if she was expecting when she wasn’t. Omg I felt so awful after that. She said no, I’m just fat. I should have known better. I appologized so much.

I just can’t see myself going through everything I went through again. I do not want to step on that roller coaster ride again of having multiple weekly appointments, having to deal with wandy, multiple injections to the stomach, and emotional craziness. The cycle that I got pregnant with LM I was giving myself three shots a night and I think I got to around 62 shots total not even counting the PIO shots I had to do once I was pregnant. Then once pregnant I developed transient hypertension which made me swell and I ended up giving birth by c-section. I know many of you had similar stories. But then once he was born I am sure I had a big case of bably blues, breast feeding didn’t work out, he had reflux issues (feedings were stressful and took over 30 minutes with lots of refusing), feeding issues (would gag and throw up solid foods, had a lot of trouble with swallowing textures, and was very late to the solid food game), was constantly getting sick the first year, we got ear tubes, and eventually went through and graduated from physical therapy, occupational therapy, and feeding therapy. Now he is a happy normal two year old who is starting to become a real person. I am starting to be able to have real conversations with him and seeing his sense of humor and just more of him. I don’t want to go back to sleepless nights, stress/worry, and all the reflux/eating issues again. I also doubt how I would be to a mother of two children. I worry/stress/get tired/frustrated with just one. What would I do with two children?

I am also just now getting my body back. I am still overweight and have more to lose (approximately 20-30 pounds), but I finally got my butt in gear and lost all my pregnancy weight. I am finally coming into my own life and enjoying some me time. Then there is the money issue. I don’t have a high paying job. What I make mostly goes to LM’s daycare costs. I get a little after that (more now that we are getting some help from hubs job), but it’s not a huge paycheck. If we did have another baby I just wouldn’t have the money to have two babies in daycare. I would have to quit my job and be a stay at home mother. While that is a great thing for some mothers, I don’t think I could do it. I like having a job that I need to get ouf of the house to do. To make some money, to interact with adults and make friends. To be able to go to the gym at work. I have stayed at home while unemployed for 6 months or more before and I just became a hermit and it got worse as more time went on. I don’t want to have to give up my job. Also, if I only have LM he gets the best of everything and I only have to pay one college tuition.

I still have trouble hearing people are pregnant again and wonder if I will be the only mom with just one kid, but I just keep reminding myself about all these things and it makes things a little easier. I still have all of LM’s clothes he has grown out of in the closet of his room though. I can’t bring myself to give any of it away. I always think what if three years down the road I decide I do want to get pregnant or happen to get pregnant naturally (yea right!). I probably will eventually give it away, but for now it sits in his closet.

New daycare

This morning was the first morning of LM’s new daycare. I was so nervous on how he would do with the transition. Last time he just moved classes across the hall and he cried at drop off for two weeks. This time a bunch of his friends are in the class and he knows the assistant teacher as well, which helped a lot. When we walked in the class he was like where am I and cried/was clingy. However that only lasted a few minutes. I planned to stay a couple of hours to make sure he was fine, but I didn’t need too. He gave me a hug and just went back to playing when I left. No tears. He is a rock star. It is rainy here today, but new daycare has indoor gross motor rooms so even though he couldn’t play outside he still got to run around 🙂

I mostly walked a 5k two weeks ago and got my best time – 49.46. I have never done it under 50 min before. I got a cool jacket as the entry present.

I am still counting calories and I have now gone down three shirt sizes!! Pants are harder as I still have my extra flab, but I am back in zip up pre-pregnancy pants. I actually lost all my pregnancy weight. The rest is just from me being overweight and trying to get pregnant. It has been about seven months since I started. I love the show Extreme weight loss and wonder where I will be at my year mark.

I hope all of you are doing well. I am still reading along on my phone.

Sucesses

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. Things have been busy and I just haven’t had long amounts of time to peck out an entry on my tablet. I rarely sit down at a real computer with intent to blog.

I am still counting calories and exercising. I have been losing weight slowly, but then got annoyed that it was going slow. So I went on prometrium for 10 days to bring my period on and in hopes that it would jump start my weight loss. Those pills made me so sleepy. I just got my period yesterday after being off the pills only four days. I guess because I took two a day. This week has been great with the weight loss. I have lost three pounds this week!! One was water weight I guess, one pound was from my normal eating healthy/exercising and I have no idea where the other pound came from! I really hope I don’t gain it back when my period goes away. Makes me wonder if I should be on birth control or something to supress my whacked out hormones so that I can lose easier. But maybe soon I will be closer to a weight where I could get my period on my own? I don’t know if I will be able to do that. I am still trying to figure out if I should be on med’s right now. I wasn’t on birth control before because it made me feel weird and the normal pills made my blood pressure go up. But now that I lost weight and stopped eating high sodium stuff, maybe it would be better? But I don’t want to have to have regular checks in the doctors office. That is stressful too. RIght now I have lost 26.5 pounds. I kept a pregnancy weight gain spreadsheet (yes I am a giant nerd) and I am now officially five pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight!!! That is huge. I was fat before and the hormones didn’t make it any better so I still have weight to lose, but that is a huge thing.

This sunday I signed up for my very first 5k! I have wanted to do one for a while, but I have been nervous and hadn’t signed up in the end. I went to the gym wednesday to see if I could still run like I was doing when I did couch 2 5k. I can still run, and did run for 40 minutes straight with no breaks. I am just really really really slow. So I’m thinking I’m going to walk the first mile to get used to things and make sure I don’t get lost (LOL), and then maybe run the last two. We will see how I feel and how my body feels on sunday. The perk is everyone who signs up for the race and is paid gets a performance jacket that says the foundation the race is for and 5k on it. I will wear it proudly.

LM is doing pretty well. Although he had trouble going to sleep last night and then he got up at 4, 4:30, and 5 this morning. After I stayed up to watch the Grey’s Anatomy season premiere. Ohy. He is getting even more verbal recently and is talking some in complete sentences which is pretty cool. He is enjoying climbing and lawn mowers. He points out lawn mowers everywhere we go. He is also starting to get a litle defiant saying no more and trying to do what he wants instead of what I say. We were at the playground the other day and I said it was time to go. He was being fussy so I picked him up. He said he wanted to walk so I said ok. I put him down and he ran the other way back to the playground!

I hope you all are doing well. I am still reading all of you, it’s just hard to post/comment on a phone which is what I am normally reading on.

Vacation

We took our first family vacation this past week. It was mostly day trips as we thought LM would do better sleeping in his own bed and eating in places he felt comfortable. We drove up to my parents place on friday night and then on Saturday took a train ride in a park and he had his first merry-go-round ride. The train is a smaller train (not amtrak, think open seats), and I actually went on it when I was little. He loved the train, and mostly smiled on the merry-go-round when he saw my mom and I waving at him. Sunday we all swam in the pool and after some time to warm up he had fun. Monday we drove back home and then relaxed for the day. Tuesday we went to a local smaller zoo that was pretty neat. It had rained a lot that morning so it wasn’t crowded at all. He surprised me and enjoyed feeding some of the animals. We fed alpacas, goats, sheeps, and something else I can’t remember at the moment. He yelled at the monkeys hanging which was pretty funny. He said "What you doing monkeys!?" On Wednesday we drove down to the beach for a day. I was excited about this one, but LM wasn’t as thrilled. He did not like the ocean. He would not let me put him down near the water and kept saying bye bye water, bye bye water. Poor guy. We bought him a little shovel and pail set and he did enjoy playing in the sand some. He also liked walking on the boardwalk and boardwalk fries lol. I was good and only ate a couple. I was happy because I was wearing the same bathing suit I wore on my honeymoon seven years ago and it didn’t look half bad. So yea for working out.

Speaking of working out I am still going. I hit a weight loss plateau and was the same weight for a couple of weeks and got annoyed. However, I stuck with it and just hit one of my goal weights so yea for that. I hope I am able to keep this weight off and not gain a pound or so back and have to go back on that seesaw. However, I walked at lunch and work out today so hopefully not. I have officially lost 20 pounds! However, if you count before I started using myfitnesspal I have lost about 26 pounds. I normally go by the 20 pounds though since that is when I really started trying to lose. But woo hoo. I am starting to get into walking as a sport (I know I know it’s not really a "sport", but it is what I’m good at), and it’s cool. It’s also helpful to have something to think about at work when work isn’t going the way I want it too. I still have at least another 20 pounds to lose, but I’ve come a long way.

LM is doing pretty well with pooping. We have played with his drink combo (prune and apple juice, probiotic, and mirilax), to find the best combination, but we haven’t yet. So far we do the best when everything is included. Yesterday we let him have a lot of dairy products to see how the drink will help him. He ate really well – he loved the mac and cheese. We are going to try giving him no pediasure at least one hour before meals and see if that helps with eating more. We are thinking it probably fills him up so we will see how that experiment goes. We have a weight check next week so we will see how that goes and see if she has any more suggestions.

Poop

At LM’s two year well visit most of the discussion was about his weight (the doc confused the two growth charts so he didn’t really drop off a bunch of percentiles, but he is still in the 8th percentile on one and 20 something percentile on the other) and his constipation. We decided to give him only pediasure in his sippies (for more calories), but I have always wondered if he has milk sensitivities because it makes him more constipated so this was a good trial (it is lactose free).

So we made a bunch of changes all at once. We took him off milk in his sippies and added 1oz prune juice to his normal 4oz apple juice and miralax drink. So now its 1 prune to 3 apple.  Then maybe a week later I saw the box of culturelle I had bought to try way back when. He couldn’t use it before because of his swallowing/texture issues, but now he is fine.  He still gets some milk products like a little cheese and milk here and there, but I try to limit it to small amounts.

The day I started the culturelle he went poop.  He has been regular pooping once a day except for day 2 on it. Today he didn’t even have to strain to go before he went. Hubs thinks it is a combination of the prune juice and the probiotic that is doing the trick, but I am not sure. My mom also said maybe the decrease in milk helped too and she is probably right.  I had emailed his GI doc earlier and she said we could also try adding soy milk, but I don’t want to change any more variables. I am happy that he is doing better and I hope it leads to eating a little more at meals consistently. However I wish I knew what was helping and what the solution was. I have a feeling we are going to have to wean him on/off a couple things to figure it out

Day off

I have had a pretty good day off. LM’s teacher noticed I was dressed down and asked about it. I told her I was having a day just for me. She said good for you. I told her I haven’t had one in a while and she said no you haven’t.

I started off the day getting on the treadmill. I gained weight over the weekend, ate way too much at my Mil’s yesterday afternoon, and never get more than 30-40 minutes to exercise so I wanted to be able to go as long as I wanted. I ended up doing little over an hour and 3.25 miles (the farthest I have gone in a long time). Yes I am slow, but I was also doing varying inclines. It was neat to come off the treadmill and have my fitbit say I only needed 2k steps left at 9:30am. Though I haven’t walked much since.

Afterwards, I watched some of Kelly and what’s his name, a little of Rachael Ray, and then watched Magic Mike with my feet up. I had never seen it and it had been sitting on our DVR since a free preview weekend we had. It was OK.

While watching I got an email from my boss that changed plans a little tomorrow, that made me a little nervous, but things should be OK tomorrow.

I didn’t take a nap which stinks, but I think we have figured out when we are going to take our vacation which is good.

One thing I decided on saturday was that I stopped taking my birth control. They had me on the mini pill and I wonder if that was part of my crazy emotions. My job situation and hormonal situation started about the same time so it is hard to say which is more of the cause. I do feel a little better so fingers crossed it doesn’t go crappy again when I go back to work.

I have been still taking my blood pressure at home. The highest I had at the doctors was 155/90 and on Saturday I got 135/80 so yea for it going down. OK gotta run and get LM.