Thoughts about second babies
Recently I have seen many people around me trying to get pregnant or who are pregnant with their second babies. I have always said I am not ready, and now I’m wondering if I will ever be ready. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I think the answer is no. There are many parents in LM’s daycare class, parents I see around, and friends who are currently pregnant with their second and it does get to me and still bothers me some. I was even a horrible person and asked one of my playground mom friends if she was expecting when she wasn’t. Omg I felt so awful after that. She said no, I’m just fat. I should have known better. I appologized so much.
I just can’t see myself going through everything I went through again. I do not want to step on that roller coaster ride again of having multiple weekly appointments, having to deal with wandy, multiple injections to the stomach, and emotional craziness. The cycle that I got pregnant with LM I was giving myself three shots a night and I think I got to around 62 shots total not even counting the PIO shots I had to do once I was pregnant. Then once pregnant I developed transient hypertension which made me swell and I ended up giving birth by c-section. I know many of you had similar stories. But then once he was born I am sure I had a big case of bably blues, breast feeding didn’t work out, he had reflux issues (feedings were stressful and took over 30 minutes with lots of refusing), feeding issues (would gag and throw up solid foods, had a lot of trouble with swallowing textures, and was very late to the solid food game), was constantly getting sick the first year, we got ear tubes, and eventually went through and graduated from physical therapy, occupational therapy, and feeding therapy. Now he is a happy normal two year old who is starting to become a real person. I am starting to be able to have real conversations with him and seeing his sense of humor and just more of him. I don’t want to go back to sleepless nights, stress/worry, and all the reflux/eating issues again. I also doubt how I would be to a mother of two children. I worry/stress/get tired/frustrated with just one. What would I do with two children?
I am also just now getting my body back. I am still overweight and have more to lose (approximately 20-30 pounds), but I finally got my butt in gear and lost all my pregnancy weight. I am finally coming into my own life and enjoying some me time. Then there is the money issue. I don’t have a high paying job. What I make mostly goes to LM’s daycare costs. I get a little after that (more now that we are getting some help from hubs job), but it’s not a huge paycheck. If we did have another baby I just wouldn’t have the money to have two babies in daycare. I would have to quit my job and be a stay at home mother. While that is a great thing for some mothers, I don’t think I could do it. I like having a job that I need to get ouf of the house to do. To make some money, to interact with adults and make friends. To be able to go to the gym at work. I have stayed at home while unemployed for 6 months or more before and I just became a hermit and it got worse as more time went on. I don’t want to have to give up my job. Also, if I only have LM he gets the best of everything and I only have to pay one college tuition.
I still have trouble hearing people are pregnant again and wonder if I will be the only mom with just one kid, but I just keep reminding myself about all these things and it makes things a little easier. I still have all of LM’s clothes he has grown out of in the closet of his room though. I can’t bring myself to give any of it away. I always think what if three years down the road I decide I do want to get pregnant or happen to get pregnant naturally (yea right!). I probably will eventually give it away, but for now it sits in his closet.
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