Thoughts about second babies

Recently I have seen many people around me trying to get pregnant or who are pregnant with their second babies. I have always said I am not ready, and now I’m wondering if I will ever be ready. I have been doing a lot of thinking and I think the answer is no. There are many parents in LM’s daycare class, parents I see around, and friends who are currently pregnant with their second and it does get to me and still bothers me some. I was even a horrible person and asked one of my playground mom friends if she was expecting when she wasn’t. Omg I felt so awful after that. She said no, I’m just fat. I should have known better. I appologized so much.

I just can’t see myself going through everything I went through again. I do not want to step on that roller coaster ride again of having multiple weekly appointments, having to deal with wandy, multiple injections to the stomach, and emotional craziness. The cycle that I got pregnant with LM I was giving myself three shots a night and I think I got to around 62 shots total not even counting the PIO shots I had to do once I was pregnant. Then once pregnant I developed transient hypertension which made me swell and I ended up giving birth by c-section. I know many of you had similar stories. But then once he was born I am sure I had a big case of bably blues, breast feeding didn’t work out, he had reflux issues (feedings were stressful and took over 30 minutes with lots of refusing), feeding issues (would gag and throw up solid foods, had a lot of trouble with swallowing textures, and was very late to the solid food game), was constantly getting sick the first year, we got ear tubes, and eventually went through and graduated from physical therapy, occupational therapy, and feeding therapy. Now he is a happy normal two year old who is starting to become a real person. I am starting to be able to have real conversations with him and seeing his sense of humor and just more of him. I don’t want to go back to sleepless nights, stress/worry, and all the reflux/eating issues again. I also doubt how I would be to a mother of two children. I worry/stress/get tired/frustrated with just one. What would I do with two children?

I am also just now getting my body back. I am still overweight and have more to lose (approximately 20-30 pounds), but I finally got my butt in gear and lost all my pregnancy weight. I am finally coming into my own life and enjoying some me time. Then there is the money issue. I don’t have a high paying job. What I make mostly goes to LM’s daycare costs. I get a little after that (more now that we are getting some help from hubs job), but it’s not a huge paycheck. If we did have another baby I just wouldn’t have the money to have two babies in daycare. I would have to quit my job and be a stay at home mother. While that is a great thing for some mothers, I don’t think I could do it. I like having a job that I need to get ouf of the house to do. To make some money, to interact with adults and make friends. To be able to go to the gym at work. I have stayed at home while unemployed for 6 months or more before and I just became a hermit and it got worse as more time went on. I don’t want to have to give up my job. Also, if I only have LM he gets the best of everything and I only have to pay one college tuition.

I still have trouble hearing people are pregnant again and wonder if I will be the only mom with just one kid, but I just keep reminding myself about all these things and it makes things a little easier. I still have all of LM’s clothes he has grown out of in the closet of his room though. I can’t bring myself to give any of it away. I always think what if three years down the road I decide I do want to get pregnant or happen to get pregnant naturally (yea right!). I probably will eventually give it away, but for now it sits in his closet.

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  1. I empathize with your situation. You probably think yeah right about that, but I do. ONce I was done with the IVF cycle that created my first baby and all of the problems he and I had from it, I swore that I would never put myself through that again. It was hell. I hated every second of it. When I was coming off the drugs from the c-section and the nurse came in and handed me the baby I cried and said I want five more. That was an overstatement, but it was at that point that I knew I would reverse my feelings on doing IVF again. That is just me. I have a close friend who is in your court. She feels no pressure to go through it all again. I envy her for that. Almost like she knows better than me. My life is stressful and the more kids I add to it the harder it gets and the more strain on my adult life and life outside of kids. I don’t have the energy to try and build new friendships. Yes, I did this to myself, but it is also good to hear that you are not putting this pressure on yourself. I think you are smart. And although I wouldn’t trade either of my boys for anything, I still really like the times when I have enough time and energy to focus on one of them. Its the same reason that I know I am done. I don’t care how many kids I feel I need in that post partum moment of bliss, I know that I can’t handle anymore. I hope I don’t sound like a terribly selfish witch to you. I mean only to express my support and encouragement. I keep reading and it’s like things are coming together for you guys. Things are working. Everyone is feeling better. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. I can’t wait to be at that point too. I hope I get there someday. In the meantime I will live vicariously through you and cheer you on from afar.

    • I do feel a little pressure to go through it again, but that is mostly from me, seeing other mom’s who did and didn’t go through IF treatments and have baby #2, and people asking me if I will have another. I don’t think it will make me actually do another cycle though. You do not sound selfish at all. You made the decision that was right for your family and I’m happy that you have your boys and all the joys that go with it. I think you are strong to be able to have more than one and do it everyday. I don’t know if I could. All of your things will come together soon too. It’s hard when they are young and in the mix of things. One day everything will be better. *hugs* In the meantime we all have our trials and things that we are still working on. We certainly do.

  2. There’s no way we could go through it all again. I’m too old, this last try was too hard. Financially, physically and emotionally, we are drained. We have no more fertility insurance coverage.
    And yet, I just boxed up all of Davie Ann’s baby clothes and put them in the attic. We’re having a boy, why am I keeping girl clothes? I just can’t give them away …. yet.

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