Doesn’t understand

Things fell into place to go down to my parents for a long weekend this coming weekend.  Then my uncle who has never met LM asked if  he could hang out this weekend to meet him.  I told him this weekend wasn’t a good weekend because we had plans.  He said that was fine and then started talking about life and such.  Then he goes on to mention, oh I heard from Aunt N that E (my cousin’s wife) is pregnant again.  Talk about a smack in the face.  I said no I didn’t know that and then I got off the phone and proceeded to flip out.  Her pregnancy was the first pregnancy that really bugged me.  She became the mother of the first grandchild on my more close knit side of the family.  I was very mad.  She blogged her way through her pregnancy and actually subscribed me to her blog so that I got updates in my email.  I finally got over it, but it still hurt.  I think that pregnancy announcements from her will always bother me.

Yes, I have LM now but I am still infertile and these things still hurt.  I want to say a million cuss words and horrible mean things.  I’m sure I’ll calm down some, but right now I just found out.  What also hurt is that my husband does not seem to understand.  He says I have LM and I have some sort of deep seeded issues that he doesn’t understand and he thinks I need to see a therapist.  I told him I will not be doing that.  My mother happened to call and wanted to talk about my anger and I told her I was in the mood to say a lot of mean things right now and she proceed to tell me that I needed to grow up and I didn’t hear the rest of the sentence because I hung up on her for saying that.  I don’t like that my husband thinks that I am a bit crazy for reacting that way. You don’t become fertile after having a baby. I still would have to stick myself 62 more times probably if I wanted another.  And the stupid thing is I don’t want another one right now, I am so not ready, yet all the emotions just come right back.

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10 Comments

  1. Ugh! You are totally 100% normal. And forgive me for being blunt, but your hubby and your mom need to grab a clue.

    I am so done with family building, have my two wee-lings, and I STILL can’t stand hpt commercials (I swear that woman from Frist Response is mocking me) and I cringe inwardly when I hear a pregnancy announcement. Heck, I still freak out when Ginny sleeps past her usual wake up time because I’m convinced that she’s stopped breathing or has choked on her blanket.

    IF leaves scars. And scars do get lighter over time, but it sure doesn’t happen over night.

    ((hugs))

    • Thanks for reminding me that I’m normal. I need that sometimes 😉 My hubs tried to understand after I wrote the entry, but my mother does need to get a clue. Your right on IF really affecting you. In some way or another I’m sure it will taint how I look/react to things for a while.

  2. *hugs* IF never ever goes away. 😦

    • It sure doesn’t ;( Thanks for your comment and your hug.

  3. After going through IF, you are forever changed. I think (hope) with time it will get easier, but certain things will always be triggers – clueless people, pregnancy announcements, flippant responses like your husband and mother. Ugh… Sending you a hug – know that you’re not alone.

    • You are right about those triggers. They will always be there, especially when you are already tired/stressed out from normal things. I still can’t believe my mother said that. Thanks for your comment and the hug 🙂

  4. FCblacksheep

    Uh, I read your newest post so I know you’re doing well now, but I 100% get this and actually Blue said a very similar thing to me after I found out my SIL was pregnant again. 17 months after the first, 1 month before they were actually shooting for and timed right with Floyd’s first birthday. Every time someone says “oh, wouldn’t it be cool if [Floyd] and the new baby share a birthday” I want to throw something. No, it would not be cool. As much as the guys are with us and support us, they’ll never really get it. You’re not alone.

    • I’m sorry you heard something similar from Blue. I know that must have hurt. I so know what you mean about not wanting Flyod to have a birthday with the new baby. I so feel that. Hubs aunt is due to have a c-section tomorrow. I have been praying that the baby is born in a differnet month than LM’s birthday.

  5. Ah, so frustrating. People think that having a baby fixes everything. People even though once I got pregnant, it fixed everything and that it was all ok. But nothing takes away the pain that you go through being infertile. Not even if you have 12 babies.

    • You are so correct. It changes the way you look at things and react to things.

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