Things fell into place to go down to my parents for a long weekend this coming weekend. Then my uncle who has never met LM asked if he could hang out this weekend to meet him. I told him this weekend wasn’t a good weekend because we had plans. He said that was fine and then started talking about life and such. Then he goes on to mention, oh I heard from Aunt N that E (my cousin’s wife) is pregnant again. Talk about a smack in the face. I said no I didn’t know that and then I got off the phone and proceeded to flip out. Her pregnancy was the first pregnancy that really bugged me. She became the mother of the first grandchild on my more close knit side of the family. I was very mad. She blogged her way through her pregnancy and actually subscribed me to her blog so that I got updates in my email. I finally got over it, but it still hurt. I think that pregnancy announcements from her will always bother me.
Yes, I have LM now but I am still infertile and these things still hurt. I want to say a million cuss words and horrible mean things. I’m sure I’ll calm down some, but right now I just found out. What also hurt is that my husband does not seem to understand. He says I have LM and I have some sort of deep seeded issues that he doesn’t understand and he thinks I need to see a therapist. I told him I will not be doing that. My mother happened to call and wanted to talk about my anger and I told her I was in the mood to say a lot of mean things right now and she proceed to tell me that I needed to grow up and I didn’t hear the rest of the sentence because I hung up on her for saying that. I don’t like that my husband thinks that I am a bit crazy for reacting that way. You don’t become fertile after having a baby. I still would have to stick myself 62 more times probably if I wanted another. And the stupid thing is I don’t want another one right now, I am so not ready, yet all the emotions just come right back.
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