Birth Story Combo

I have been thinking about writing his birth story for a while, but for some reason kept putting it off. I know I should write it because I know the details will fade in my head soon.  I also wanted to write a quick whats up with me post as well so I decided to combine the two. For the quick whats up with me I am going to go bullets.  A lot of it will be baby oriented and my worries/feelings.  I know this may be hard for some to read and I am hoping that you all get your miracle.  However, I feel like I should be honest in my blog with how I feel.

  • I have had a hard time adjusting to life with a baby. I think part of it is the sudden lack of sleep (I always slept pretty well during pregnancy), part hormones, part me being mad at myself for not being more ecstatic about things after everything I went through to get him (62 shots and a year and a half of trying), and worrying/feeling like I wasn’t doing a good enough job/being a good enough mom for him.  Yes, I think way too much, obsess over little things, and can be my own worst enemy sometimes.  I feel like my hormones are finally calming down some and I’m feeling a lot better from my c-section.  Because of this I have slowly started to do more things again.  I am still kinda nervous about going out with him on my own and how that will go. but I hope to try it out soon for a quick outing somewhere.
  • We have been having formula issues.  He came home on similac ready to feed.  After he got home we switched him to the powder version of it (similac advance shield) and we didn’t like it.  It was clumpy and he seemed to be getting constipated.  So we switched him to the liquid concentrate version of the same formula and he seemed to do pretty well.  He ate more and he pooped once a day which was softer, but after a few days he seemed to be eating less and more fussy/refluxy.  I have a sensitive stomach and I thought he might too so after being on the liquid for a while I switched him to the similac sensitive stomach powder and so far (it’s only been a day) he seems to be doing pretty well and has already pooped twice.  So *fingers crossed* that all continues to go well with that.  It just makes me anxious trying to figure out the right food for him and making sure that he’s ok and comfortable.  Yes, I did talk to his pediatrician’s office, before I started fiddling with things.  I’ve also learned that  figuring out the difference between an unpacked and a packed scoop of formula is more complicated than I would have ever thought

Ok onto his birth story.

Saturday night we ordered in dinner.  I got lasagna instead of my normal salad because I figured I only had a little bit of time left with a great stomach.  I have ibs and pregnancy and it’s constipating effect has been great on me. I could eat a lot more foods.  So I had my lasagna and it was great.  No heartburn or ibs issues.  I went to bed and then that night at like 12:30am I woke up soaked.  Hubby had trouble going to sleep so he had only gotten like an hour of sleep.  I had maybe a couple hours.  I was like did I have an accident?  I sat up and I had liquid in my underwear and I had soaked the sheets all the way down to the mattress pad.  I still wasn’t sure if I had an accident or if my water broke.  I went to the bathroom and put on a pad.  I yelled at my hubby who was asleep and at first he didn’t really hear me and started to go back to sleep.  I yelled at him again and then he realized what was going on and was on alert.  I called my ob’s office and got the doctor on call who I have never met before.  He said if there is a chance that my water broke then I should go to the hospital and get it checked out.  So we finished packing our hospital bag – it was only half way done and headed to the hospital.

I was emotional at this point.  Thinking I wasn’t ready and such.  I talked to the front desk lady at ob triage and was teary.  They took me back, checked me out and then put me in a triage room.  They did some tests on me to see if I had actually broke my water.  One was a swab test that came back negative.  Another was a speculum exam which I always hate.  However, the lady that did it wasn’t nice/gentle/and did not go slowly like I asked.  That made it worse.  That test came back inconclusive.  She waited for a doctor to look at it and that took forever.  In the end they ended up admitting me.   At that point hubby called my parents who live about two and a half hours away to start their drive up.

So around 7am or so I was brought up to the floor where women give birth.  I was then started on pitocin because although my water had broken I was not contracting much.  They could see it on the monitor but they weren’t close together or anything.  My parents got here then and we basically napped and watched crap on tv all day while they kept checking me.  Luckily I was able to drink apple juice which helped my blood sugars since I wasn’t able to eat all day. The woman kept upping my pitocin and about a couple of hours later I asked for an epidural.  It was getting uncomfortable and I was not doing well with the internal cervical checks.  I was only one cm dilated and felt kinda wimpy getting an epidural then, but since I was uncomfortable I went ahead and got it.  I was scared to get the epidural, but in the end it went pretty well.  I was very glad to have it in.

After that they continued to up my pitocin all day long and periodically check me.  I never really felt the contractions after the epidural even though they were right on top of each other.  The internal checks were also much much much better so I’m glad I got the epidural.  The ob I had was not my ob, she was a hospital ob who was on call since it was the weekend.  I didn’t like her that much.  Every time she checked me I was always the same.  I think the last time they checked me after being on pitocin all day and with my water being broken for like 18 hours I was barely at a 2, maybe 1.5 and little man was still way high up.  He had never dropped. She said that my labor was very unproductive and that I needed to get a c-section.  I did not want a c-section, I was scared.  The ob was persistent and even though she could tell I was getting agitated she didn’t seem compassionate enough to try to calm me down much.  They said I had to drink this awful stuff before I went into surgery. It smelled bad and I had to drink it fast. I am not good at gulping down stuff that tastes bad as shown when I did my glucose tolerance test.  So I did the best I could, but it was slow.  They kept telling me that I was making it worse for myself  drinking it slowly and they said that if I didn’t drink it I had a chance of dying during surgery if I got sick during it and aspirated it or soemthing.  I was like way to make me feel better.  I finally got them to stop staring at me and I slowly managed to get it all down with no help from the ob who kept telling me I was going too slow and that they had sterile instruments open in the operating room that were going to go to waste.

They wheeled me in the room and I kept my eyes shut.  I was shaking a lot at this point because of nerves and because of the drugs they gave me.  I did not want to know what was going on or anything about it.  This was good because I didn’t even realize when they started.  I just wanted people to talk to me and keep me focused on something else.  So hubs and I had a good conversation with the nurse anesthetist who was goofy.  He said my blanket came from a pizza oven, thought hubby’s job was cool, and started using words he didn’t know what they meant.  I told him he couldn’t use words he didn’t know the meaning of but he said he could and kept using it lol.  I felt tugging and heard stuff which wasn’t fun, but I kept talking about other things to stay focused on something else and I think I did pretty good for being scared.  They got little man out and brought him over to the warmer thingy and cleaned him off.  I was nervous at first because I didn’t hear him cry.  They said because they hadn’t gotten his chest out yet, but then I heard it.  He was born at 10:56pm weighed 6 pounds and 2.4 ounces and was 19 inches long.  After they had cleaned him up they brought him over to hubby who held him and showed him to me since I was still shaking like crazy and only had one arm available.  I do have to add a side note and say that hubby looked very good in scrubs and I have a picture to remember that by 😉  After the c-section was over I got to hold little man as we left the room and then I went into a different room for two hours or so while I recovered.  This is when my parents could come up and meet him.  Finally around 2am we were moved to the postpartum floor where I was able to sleep for a bit until they woke me up a few hours later to pull the tape off my c-section incision.  That hurt.

All in all I was in the hospital from early sunday morning to Wednesday afternoon.  Little man developed jaundice and was put under the lights.  At one point our pediatrician was saying he would have to stay in the hospital through to Thursday because of his jaundice but his numbers went down so well from the light therapy that we got to go home on Wednesday.

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19 Comments

  1. Sienna

    In think it’s very normal to fell overwhelmed after a baby. I really thought that bc I wanted this so much, that I’d be a natural st motherhood and would be able to read all of the baby’s cues right away and have sn easy time of it. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Nd throw a fussy baby into the mix, and iw as so overwhelmed the first month tothpoint of constant tears. Things really improve though. Your hormones get back in check, you’ll start going outside, albeit it took me a while, an you will start to feel more confident and better. Hng in there!

    • Thanks for your comment! Glad to hear that others feel/have felt the same way as me. You are right, I am hoping as he gets older and sleeps more during the night things will get easier. My hormones are already getting a tiny bit better. I hope to venture out with him soon as well and prove to myself that we can do it.

  2. Sienna

    Man, all these typos make me seem illiterate. I was typing and breastfeeding at the same time. Something I didn’t think was possible, bc for the first 4 weeks I breastfed, I could not do anything BUT concentrate 200% on the BF-ing bc it was so hard. Now I can multitask! You’ll be doing 2-3 things at once soon enough!

    • Breastfeeding and typing at the same time? Amazing. I can’t imagine bottle feeding and typing at the same time, but I guess it’s a little different. I’m working on eating one handed at the moment.

  3. Nic

    I am sorry that the birth was so stressful and they did not do a good job of calming you down.
    I am sure as time goes on you will become more confident with the little man!

    • I think your right. Each day I get through it and do something new I will feel better about things 😉

  4. FCblacksheep

    What a bitch. Sorry but if I had the name of that OB, I’d drive to her practice her and smack her. Did they not page your doctor at all??? That’s my biggest fear. I want my doctor or is usual replacement, not whomever happens to be around.

    Sounds like it was scary at times but I’m so proud of you for getting through it all so well. You sound like you did amazingly and I’m glad you’re both well.

    I think because we went through so much to get to this point, we expect that there will be an instant bond and everything will click into place right away. Like we’ll be so unbelievably happy to have a healthy baby, we won’t bat an eye at all the normal new mother adjustments that happen, kind of like how we handled pregnancy. But the truth is, what you’re experiencing is probably very, very normal. And if you hadn’t gone through IF, you might not even be questioning your feelings right now because you would just think that’s what every new mother goes through.

    Take care of yourself and that wonderful little man and I promise it’ll all start to come together!

    • Glad I’m not the only one who thought she was not nice. I got a survey from the hospital in the mail that asked me about my experience. I didn’t name names, but I did mention my experience in broad terms. I don’t think they called my doc at all, though I go to a small practice. There are only two ob’s and since it was evening and on the weekend I don’t think my doc was on call. I remember at my first appointment I was shown a list of doctors who cover for my two docs when they aren’t available, but I never thought about that or even asked for my ob during the whole thing. Guess I was too involved in the experience and never thought about asking about it leading up to my delivery.

      I think your right about what I’m feeling is totally normal and the high expectations we have because we went through IF. It doesn’t make it easier knowing it’s true though. Just gotta keep reminding myself of it. Thanks so much for your comment 😉

  5. Your birthing experience sounds a tad stressful!! I would have hoped the staff would have been more in tune with you and helped you feel calmer 😦
    I hope things improve soon and your hormones settle down, sending hugs x

    • Yea, it was a bit stressful. Not what I expected, but glad it’s over. Thanks for the hugs 😉

  6. Thanks for sharing your birth story! That sounds very stressful, I’m glad you got through it, and that Little man is doing well. The formula stuff sounds tough, and I know many new moms feel very overwhelmed. Hang in there, I think it will get better!

  7. Thanks for sharing your story! Wow – isn’t it crazy how everyone’s experiences are totally different?! So glad he is here and healthy!!

  8. Wow, your birth team – both the doc and the RN’s – were horrible! I’m so sorry they made such an amazing experience so awful. You must’ve been so scared! All they did was threaten me with a c-section, and I was so scared of it I pushed with all my might to avoid it! You are so brave.

    We had so much confusion about the right formula to use, too. We ended up keeping Davie on the ready-to-feed for two months, then eased her into the powdered formula. Also, the pediatrician switched us to Enfamil from Similac, and we had to switch from the regular to the GentleEase for tender tummies. After that, it went a lot smoother!

    Its amazing how much guilt there is with motherhood! I’ve always been hard on myself, but having a baby takes it to a whole new level! Those decisions that seem so monumentally life-changingly important end up seeming so small later, but while I was going through it, it seemed like I was the worst mother in the world if I made the wrong decision! In the end, I think there’s less right and wrong and more, “do the best you can for both you and the baby” and just adjust as you go along, you know?

    • What made you switch from the regular enfamil to the tender tummies one? I’m still not 100% on my decision to switch to similac sensitive and I’m always looking to hear other peoples experiences. Also why did your pediatrician switch the formula brands? I did call in to my pediatrician’s office but I’ve only been talking to the on call nurses at the moment so they haven’t been a huge help.

      Yea it wasn’t the best experience, but some of my RN’s were nice. Mostly on the postpartum end, but there were a few. LOL I don’t think I was that brave, I just did my best to get through it. The whole experience has me wanting to wait a while if I am going to/able to have another though. Not sure I want to go through that again.

      I do agree with you on when you are going through something it seems like the hugest thing. However, afterwards you realize it wasn’t that big of a thing. What he eats seems big to me though so we shall see how it all plays out.

  9. Your birth story sounds stressful. I am trying to remind myself that it might not all go as smoothly as I’m hoping. And that includes feeling overwhelmed once the baby gets home. In my opinion, it would be crazy if you didn’t have trouble adjusting. Does it come easy to anyone to have a little being in your home depending on you for everything and totally taking over your life and schedule? Hell, bringing a puppy home is a disruption! A baby has gotta be way more!

  10. Liz

    I am so sorry it was so stressful for you, but glad you and your little man are both okay! I’m really wondering what it is they made you drink before your c-section. Having had an emergency c-section myself, I wasn’t forced to drink anything. They just kind of wheeled be back to the O.R. and that was it. I guess it really doesn’t matter though, as I said because the both of you are fine. Congratulations on your handsome little boy!

    • Thanks for your comment! It was some sort of antacid that supposedly tasted like sweet tarts, but not really. Not sure of the name.

  11. Don’t beat yourself up. There were a lot of days in the beginning that I just wanted to cry. Being sleep deprived is really hard! I promise it gets better! Hang in there, you’re doing great! congrats again!

  12. Congrats again on your lil guy! Thanks for sharing your birth story. You’ve been through the wringer, huh? All that matters in the end is you and your lil one are healthy and doing fine. I hope you guys are settling into a routine and that you’re feeling more sane. It will get easier and remember — this only lasts a short time. He won’t be this small for very long! xoxo!

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