IF is still there

I hope all of you are doing well. I thought about not writing this and sucking it up because it’s kinda dumb, but I figured it’s my blog and I’m going to write about it. Yes, I am pregnant and happily in the second trimester. However, I still have IF jealousy. One thing that really got to me this morning was when I was watching Go.od Mor.ning Ame.rica. They were doing the weather and there were people with posters around trying to get on tv. The weather guy goes to one woman with the sign and asks her what it says. She goes “Surprise, We are pregnant!!!” ugh. Another thing that has really been affecting me recently which is the main reason for this post is my main IF jealousy – twins. Let me preface this by saying I am totally happy for all of you who are pregnant and who are pregnant with twins after going through all this IF crap. I know how hard it is. When I started this journey I always said I wanted twins because that would mean you get two babies in one shot and could potentially be done with IF. I am totally happy to be pregnant and doing well with one, but it just seems like there have been a lot of “surprise, we are having twins!” announcements recently. I know being pregnant with twins is not all glorious – it’s scary, you get bigger, you may have more pregnancy symptoms and complications and it’s more money. However, I can’t help my brain. I’m trying really hard to get over it. I hope that you don’t take my jealousy the wrong way. I just wanted to get my feelings out so that maybe I could get them out of my head and just get over them.

Let me leave this entry on a happier note. I bought a few more pregnancy things this weekend while walking around two different malls. I got some short sleeve shirts and a pair of maternity shorts for my trip next week since it will be warm. I also bought some maternity underwear because my normal pairs are starting to get small and give me lots of wedgies lol. I also found this really cute sign that says “We loved you before you were born.” I teared up in the isle of the store when I found it.

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11 Comments

  1. Oh I so get this, I have IF jealousy all the time, even now that my son is 13months and we’re trying again. I hope it goes away one day – I’m not very proud of it. I get the twin thing too, I wanted twins – a boy and a girl and then I’d be done with babies. I’d never swap my gorgeous son for anything but I get coming to terms with what you have after imagining something else.

  2. I can understand this! I feel so very very very lucky to be carrying twins. But right now, at 31 weeks and fending off preterm labor b/c of twins, and dealing with the fear of our babies being in the NICU for months, it is a reminder of all of the complications and dangers that come with a multiple pregnancy. I wouldn’t change where I am for anything in the world, but sometimes I feel jealousy for singleton Moms who coast to 38 with nary a complication. You know what I mean?

    I think we IFers are just given more baggage than the fertiles out there, and we feel all of the emotions of pregnancy so very acutely. xoxo

  3. I still get grouchy at the FRER lady on the commercials. She just irks me!

  4. FCblacksheep

    This is total normal and I’m sure I’ll feel the same. You know what really gets me? When people say “we are expecting our first child.” Most people probably don’t see anything wrong with that statement. But to me, the word first sticks out like a sore thumb. I take it as “there will be more.” Which is really stupid and maybe doesn’t always mean that but as an IFer, even if I get it to somehow happen the first time, that doesn’t guarantee me the luxury of it happen again.

    And that’s it in a nutshell I think. That naivety of conceiving being easy and nothing but joy is ripped from any woman going through IF early on. We all have to face a harsh reality at some point even if we get that BFP in the end. So we’ll always look at the rest of the world with a bit of disdain, or else I will.

    • My hubby says something similar. He keeps talking about our “children” I’m like I’m only pregnant with one, you don’t know that we will have another. He usually replies with well maybe your body will straighten out once you have this one or now that we know what worked last time we can go straight to that. He could be right on either counts, but you don’t know it will work for sure either way.

      Also, it’s not just you on the disdain – some fertile people are crazy.

  5. I feel like you are writing from my head. I have a saved draft about pregnancy not curing the infertility brain but I’ve hesitated to post it bc I don’t want those that are still struggling to think I’m ungrateful. I’ve also struggled with reading about other’s twins. I had two embryos transferred and only one took. I’ve secretly been mourning the loss of the other baby that never was. Anyway, I just wanted you to know you’re not alone in your thoughts.

  6. I am so PLEASED for you! Second trimester!! I understand what you are saying about twins and I hope now that you have spilled it out onto your blog you can move on as you want to. xx

  7. It’s your blog hun and you should feel comfortable to write whatever you feel, we’ll still be here for you to listen and help. The sign you found sounds cute, you should take a pic 🙂
    Moon xx

  8. AL

    I gotta admit, I’m the teeniest bit jealous of the twin pregnancies too…knowing my children would have siblings right off the bat would help my IF worries so, so much. But, I am thrilled to be carrying one and just want to make it to full term 🙂

    yay for new maternity clothes!

  9. I love the sign! 🙂 Just hearing about it makes me tear up, too!
    I was in the waiting room to get my anatomy scan at 21 weeks when I got to talking to another IFer who was waiting for her scan, too. Turns out after 8 IVF’s, she was expecting twins. I was so happy for her! And I TOTALLY felt that pang of jealousy – why does she get TWO? And – it was one of each! If we had boy/girl twins, I would be so happy to stop trying! To never have to get on the IF roller coaster again … what a gift!
    But, the more pregnant I get, the happier I am that there’s just one in there! I’m so glad that I will be able to give all of my attention and energy to one baby. The more I read the blogs of other IFers who have had twins, the happier I am to be doing this one at a time, even if it means there may be only one for me. One is lucky, too. 🙂

  10. Well, thank goodness you found some underwear that will no longer give you wedgies! No one needs to deal with those all day! 🙂 I can’t relate to this post but it does sound as though you feel better getting those feelings out so I am glad for that!

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