This morning I had my next scan. This morning I had the nurse practitioner who is very straight forward and tells you like it is. This morning my follicles didn’t grow very much. This morning I thought my follicles might have even shrunk a little. This morning she said that if my e2 does not rise today I will probably get cancelled because it’s not healthy for follicles to have your estrogen go up and down like that and if it’s still going down then they probably are not going to continue growing. Last night I gave myself my 54th shot. After all of this I might get cancelled and I have to wait all day for the phone call that will give me the answer if I can keep going or not.
I was upset when I left the RE’s office, but held it in. Emailed my husband and just stayed in my little office where no one comes in. I’m working and then I start to get teary. I cry once and then boss calls me into her office because she wants to talk about work stuff. I’m like great… I look in the mirror and my eyes are red. I try to pull it off, but she takes one look at me and knows something is wrong. I break down and cry in her office. Didn’t want too, it just came out. She asks what the matter is and I finally tell her. I told her I’m going through infertility, that the doctor’s appointments that I have been going to the whole time I’ve worked here are upstairs for that, that I’m upset because they might cancel my cycle. She was actually really nice about it and got teary herself. I told her to stop crying because she would get me going again. We talked a little bit about it and she told me a friend of her’s goes to that office. She asked if I needed to take a day and I said no. What would I do at home? Just wait for the damn phone to ring which probably won’t happen unitl like 4pm. She said if I ever needed to talk or whatever she is there, which is very nice of her. I knew she would be nice – I mean we work in the field of maternal and child health. *shrugs* I guess I’m glad she knows now and I don’t have to worry about appearances or time off or whatever.
Now I just have to survive today and hope that my e2 rises. If it doesn’t I’m going to cry again. Not that I haven’t stopped since I got in this morning, I can’t believe how great this cycle started and I had too high of a e2 and too many follies, but because I wasn’t doing real ivf they backed off and I guess too much. This really sucks. I’ll update when I get the call back. It will probably be in the middle of the meeting I have to drive too that I don’t see the point of me going too.
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