As I feared, my beta was negative. I started feeling like my period was coming on Sunday and the past few days, but even more so yesterday. Yesterday before leaving work there were some red flakes in my urine, but no spotting. However, by the time I got home I had a little spotting. Then the spotting went away, but then came back again a little bit this morning. That coupled with a bfn home test and a bfn blood test, I’m definitley not pregnant. This completly blows.
I had my major cry fest yesterday afternoon and then again when my husband got home from work. Silly husband won’t let me become a cra.ck who.re so I could just become pregnant already. For dinner last night we went out to chinese and I ate a lot of sushi and this morning I had caffiene for the first time in two weeks. Tonight I’m going to have a huge sonic lime-aid with lots of artifical sweetners. I feel like I’m doing pretty well with being completly pissed and sad this didn’t work. Of course the emotions are there and I’m upset, but I’m still taking one step after another. I’m acting cheery at work. I’m planning things. I’m sure I will have another tear fest, but after that I will keep on going. I got a bonus at work that I was going to put towards some disney tickets when I will be there for a conference next spring. However, I started thinking that I might put it towards going away for a weekend and staying in a hotel with the hubs. That might be nice.
As far as the next cycle I have some options. I would be paying for ivf out of pocket, which sucks and I’m not sure I’m ready for it yet. The nurse mentioned something about a research project sorta thing they are doing at my center. She said they are really good at freezing embroys, but not as confidient with freezing eggs. So she said if I did their study it would be half price a normal ivf and if it didn’t work then I would get a free ivf cycle out of it. I’m not sure I’m ready for it and if I was I don’t know if I want to put myself through something that isn’t certain to possibly have to do it again.
We are thinking of repeating this cycle. However, when planning in my head I realized November is a busy month. We have thanksgiving and both of our grandmother’s are turning 90 and are going to have a family get together. So that makes three busy weekends. Last time I was on birth control for six months which would make it hard. I was thinking of possibly taking a break this month and trying naturally and then going on birth control so that my cycle wouldn’t be affected by crazy time. However, when talking to the nurse she said that I could be on birth control just two weeks and then start Lupron on the third week. That is a much shorter period of time and she thinks I might be done by thanksgiving. So that’s something else I would have to think about.
On top of all the craziness my husband had to go out of town today and won’t be back till thursday night or friday. So send me some happy vibes so that I keep rising above all the crap.
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