The night before
I’ve been quiet on my blog and in the IF universe lately. I have been busy at work and starting to get nervous about my sono that is tomorrow afternoon. I was just going to post after it was done, but I felt like posting today. I found that with my upcoming sono and my weird period I have been way stressed before this cycle has even really started. It hasn’t been fun. When feeling stressed, grumpy, anxious I have stayed away from commenting a bit. I felt like I was in a place where I wasn’t ready to give happiness and support to others because I was stuck in my funk. I’m slowly coming out of that funk, thank goodness and have started responding to my 106 entries I have to read. Yea, I’m behind.
I had my baseline on tuesday morning and I didn’t come out happy. I got the woman who I like the least for my scans. First of all she couldn’t find either of my ovaries. Come on! I know I’m a hard scan and my stomach was feeling upset, but not even one ovary? Gah. Then I mentioned that I was having my sono on thursday. Her response? “You? Your going to have a sono? Do you have drugs?” I was like yea. She was like what strength, are they going to be enough?” I was like geez. I should have said something to her about being a mean head. It made me feel like she didn’t even have the confidence that I could do it. Yes, I know I have a lot of anxiety towards this and haven’t done that well in the past, but I’m going to be on valium and I’m going to put out the confidence and try it. At least she could have been nice about it. Am I overreacting? Maybe, but it really rubbed me the wrong way. Though the more that I think about it the more I want to kick ass and show her that she was wrong. By the way I start my follistim tonight at one click above 50.
I am nervous about tomorrow, but I keep thinking about what is actually going to happen. I have done the speculum thing (well briefly when I can tolerate it) and I have done the transvaginal ultrasound many times. I just have to deal with the whole catheter thing and them squirting stuff up there. I’m hoping my crazy nervousness doesn’t over power the valium. Yes, I know for many of you this test is no big deal and I’m hoping that it’s not for me either, but yea I always freak out about this stuff. I have doctor anxiety. I keep trying to focus on the end result. That I will find something out about my lining and that when it is over I will be able to be so proud of myself and feel so awesome that I accomplished it. It makes me want to sing that Mil.ey Cy.rus song. However, if for some reason I am not able to do it I hope that I am able to come back here and tell you guys that I tried my best and that it didn’t happen with out feeling too bad. All I can do is try and hope that the drugs do it’s job and all goes well.
- Posted in: Infertility