Down

You know how you can be fine one minute and then down the next? Well that is today. As the day went on it just got more and more sucky.

Today I was already feeling down because I have been feeling that all the symptoms I have been having are fake and not really pregnancy symptoms. I’m getting later in the dpo stages. If I am going to have symptoms they are going to get stronger, not weaker. I didn’t feel anything today.

Then for work today I went to a conference with the topic of healthy pregnancies. The cover of the booklet had four hugely pregnant women on the cover. We talked a lot about infant mo.rta.lity and at lunch we had to sit through two womens personal stories of how their children were still born and detailed explanations of their expleriences. This really caught me off guard and it was hard not to get teary.

It was a long full day conference so by the end of the day I was tired and cranky and feeling like it will never be my turn to be pregnant.

We have a small group we go to every other Tuesday night and I wasn’t looking forward to going. I never am, but that’s another story. I thought about not going but I decided I would go anyways. When we got there I looked at one of the girls and my pregnancy radar went off. I said to my husband I bet she is pregnant. Then about 10 min later she announces they are pregnant – 14 weeks – with twins. Why don’t you just smack me in the face I find out she did ivf so she is one of us, but that doesn’t make me feel that much better. Her husband starts rubbing her belly and I just want to bolt out of there. I was good and stayed for the next hour and some but ugh. Not what I needed to hear. I’m just so nervous that I’m gonna get bad news for my beta that I will want to cancel my birthday or maybe postpone it. Guess I have to wait an see.

Advertisements

15 Comments

  1. Ugh, what a day to have at the end of your 2ww! I have heard that pg symptoms can come and go, so I don’t think you should be 100% sure you’re out just yet! Hang in there!!

  2. hollytraveling

    Yeah, that sounds pretty much sucky. I don’t know how you can look at and read about pregnant people all the time. I’d go berserk. And I say regardless of what the outcome is, you celebrate that birthday like never before. Sure it’ll be tough, but you deserve a celebration and some fun. And I still have my fingers crossed! You’re not out until AF crashes the party.

    • Some days I don’t know how I do either. This morning I came in and two grandmother’s were going upstairs to meet their grand baby for the first time. They were so excited. That was another punch, but just had to suck it in and walk into my office.

  3. sienna

    ugh, sounds like a stinky day. i’m sooo sorry :o( we went to my SIL’s house last month for her birthday and i noticed that HER BIL kept rubbing his wife’s flat belly. “oh boy, please don’t let them announce their pregnancy today” is what i was thinking. did they? no? but they did one worse. they started *whispering* it to “certain” ppl and so half the room was clumped in a corner, talking about this “secret” while the rest of the room pretended to feign ignorance. my hubby was like “duh, what’s going on?” whereas i was OUTTA there.

    • That is so not fair that they shared with some people by whispering and didn’t share with others. That is rude and leaving people out. I am so sorry.

  4. I hate those days, I am sorry. I also hate the end of the 2ww. No matter the outcome of your cycle, don’t cancel your birthday. I was very sad on last year’s birthday because I thought I would either be pregnant or a mom. This year, I know that there was no way I would be either (yet) so I decided to really celebrate and treat myself. I recomend it, you are worthy and special and deserve to be celebrated! You don’t want to much time to pass when you are thinking about the what ifs. Try to be present, and best of luck 🙂

  5. Oh, LFL, what a tough, tough day. i’m so sorry. You are a trooper…seeing pregnant people often brings tears to my eyes and immediately makes me doubt I will ever know the joy they get to experience. It is excrutiating. HOWEVER, this cycle is still alive and well. You kicked ass! Rightie showed up to play ball! There is every reason in the world to hope that you are currently knocked up yourself my friend. Hang in there!

  6. So sorry you had a rough day. We all have those days and they aren’t fun 😦 Hope you get good news with your beta! Fingers crossed so hard!

  7. I’m sorry that you’re feeling so down =( I’d like to think that you’re wrong about your pregnancy symptoms, that you are pregnant, and you’ll be celebrating any day now. Do you follow Sonya? She was sure she wasn’t pregnant after her IVF, and she’s now in her 26th week of carrying quads! Quads!!! That could be you!!!! 😉 *hugs*

    • Yes, I do follow her 🙂 Doubt I am pregnant with quads though. Loved reading your comment though with me and pregnant in the same sentence. Guess we will find out. Thinking of testing on friday for the first time at 12 dpo. Then I’ll test again the day before my beta at 14dpo.

  8. Awww, I’m sorry. Big hugs to you! Honestly…I had more “symptoms” every month I wasn’t pregnant than I ever did when I actually got pregnant. I felt basically nothing until 6 weeks. You just never know.

  9. Oh hun, sorry for the sucky day. Those are not fun, especially when the in person announcments are involved…its like there is no where to hide to run and cry, which is what I usually do. Hang in there, you are so close and I’m hoping SO hard these symptoms finally explain themselves with a BFP!!

  10. Oh my goodness, what a lot of reasons for feeling down! I get really blue for no reason at all, and you’ve had pregnant women in your face ALL DAY! You poor thing! I’m guessing that because you didn’t post today there’s no good news, but I’ll keep on hoping anyway.

    • Thanks 😉 I haven’t tested yet, I’m planning on testing for the first time tomorrow morning. *fingers crossed*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: