You know how you can be fine one minute and then down the next? Well that is today. As the day went on it just got more and more sucky.
Today I was already feeling down because I have been feeling that all the symptoms I have been having are fake and not really pregnancy symptoms. I’m getting later in the dpo stages. If I am going to have symptoms they are going to get stronger, not weaker. I didn’t feel anything today.
Then for work today I went to a conference with the topic of healthy pregnancies. The cover of the booklet had four hugely pregnant women on the cover. We talked a lot about infant mo.rta.lity and at lunch we had to sit through two womens personal stories of how their children were still born and detailed explanations of their expleriences. This really caught me off guard and it was hard not to get teary.
It was a long full day conference so by the end of the day I was tired and cranky and feeling like it will never be my turn to be pregnant.
We have a small group we go to every other Tuesday night and I wasn’t looking forward to going. I never am, but that’s another story. I thought about not going but I decided I would go anyways. When we got there I looked at one of the girls and my pregnancy radar went off. I said to my husband I bet she is pregnant. Then about 10 min later she announces they are pregnant – 14 weeks – with twins. Why don’t you just smack me in the face I find out she did ivf so she is one of us, but that doesn’t make me feel that much better. Her husband starts rubbing her belly and I just want to bolt out of there. I was good and stayed for the next hour and some but ugh. Not what I needed to hear. I’m just so nervous that I’m gonna get bad news for my beta that I will want to cancel my birthday or maybe postpone it. Guess I have to wait an see.