8 months

I have been seeing a lot of people comment about the reality show with Guilianna and Bill and how they are dealing with infertility. I watched the show once or twice and enjoyed it, though my husband hates it. I wanted to watch the one on infertility, but I missed it. I did manage to read a recap of the episode.

Why am I writing this entry? I noticed that a lot of people are saying oh they have been only trying for 8 months. I have been trying for [insert longer amount of time]. The amount of time they have been trying is nothing. This got me to thinking. I can’t give you an exact time we have been trying because I’m still confused by the time we started. I wanted to start in February of last year, but because of PCOS my period went missing for three months so there wasn’t a chance we were going to get pregnant. Went to the RE for the first time in June just to get my period started and to try some Clomid. Why did I go so soon? Because I had been a patient in his office before because they are very knowledgeable about PCOS and I didn’t have an ob/gyn since I had married my husband and moved to his state. They always said when I am ready to have kids let them know and that I will most definitely have to be put on Clomid. So I called and got started.

This means I haven’t been trying as long as a lot of you. My first real medicated cycle started in the very beginning of July. I’m not sure where that puts me in how long I’ve been trying, but I’m sure it’s around the time that Guilliana and Bill have been trying. I know that I’m still the noobie, I don’t have years of infertility under my belt, and haven’t been through all the procedures and cycles you all have, but I’m still part of the community and going through all the same feelings you have. I know that none of you are attacking me or saying that I am not part of this community. It just made me feel a little weird to hear the reactions of others about how long they are trying when my time period is so similar. Just makes you think.

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15 Comments

  1. I know what yo mean…I started my blog when I had only been trying for 6 months…I think even if you’ve tried for 1 month with no success you start to feel something. Also, I think I’ve felt infertile sicne I found out I had PCOS a few years ago..the past 11 months have just been the realization of it.

  2. Jessica

    I agree with you. Even though my DH and I have been trying for almost 2 years and are getting ready to do IVF, I still feel bad for ANYONE who has to go through infertility no matter how long they have been trying. This journey is heartbreaking whether you have been trying for 6 months or 6 years.

  3. Oh, this strikes a chord with me! I’ve wanted to have kids forever, physically yearned for them since 2007 and then hubs finally said “okay, I am ready” in April ’08. We went off BC and my period never came. Did Provera challenge (it worked), still no period for a couple months. Got sent to the RE in October. I have only had two medicated cycles (thanks to cysts) and I’ve only ovulated ONCE. It is brutal. Since April ’09, I’ve had ONE shot at getting pregnant, and my lining was too thin for anything to stick. One shot! (ugh!!!)

    I know that’s a blink of an eye compared to some people, and I know it may take months or years for me. But I hear you: when you have IF, one month is an eternity. Eight months is eight months too long my friend!

  4. Pie

    Huh, I guess I live under a rock that I was unaware about Guilana and Bill declaring themselves infertile. And I’m sorry if your feelings have been hurt in this, no one needs another reason to feel icky for IF. So, my 3 cents: that time is irrelevant when it comes to IF. If you have decided to try, and it is not happening, it sucks. It’s stressful. And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Regardless of whether it has been 3 months, and you are trying au naturale, and AF comes right on time, or its 7 years, 6 IUIs, 6 IVFs, 2 DEs and hundreds of thousands of dollars and tears – either way it sucks.

    I hope your cycle goes well this time!!

  5. I guess technically we have been trying for several years, but honestly I didn’t really think about it until this past summer. We had so much going on with family weddings, moving, etc. it was OK that we weren’t getting pregnant. So, I guess I am still a relative newbie, too. Do not fret – the one common bond we ALL have is our desire to have a child!!

  6. Jen

    I don’t think any of us can really judge anyone else’s timeline. It still sucks even in the first few months of no success. MY OB suggested Clomid after we had only been trying for 6 months, so I figured, WTH? I figured if it was going ot happen naturally, it would’ve happened by then, so I might as well get a jump on it. Now, I don’t necessarily think months of Clomid with my regular OB and no monitoring was the smartest thing, but at least that enabled me to move along quickly once I did go to the RE at our 1 year mark. I’m sorry you feel hurt by others’ judgements.

  7. I think each couple’s journey is so unique that it is really impossible to make comparisons. It sounds like, for example, you knew you had PCOS for quite some time. That, in and of itself, means you realized you may have problems TTC, so you had to deal with that anxiety long before you even started actually TTC. Other people dream of a baby for years but haven’t found the right person to have one with and when they finally do and have trouble (even for 6 months or so) it could be horribly painful because they feel they’ve been waiting for a baby since they can remember. Some people never see a positive HPT and others see tons of them but then experience the tragedy of miscarriage. Each situation is so painful and unique that I think we’re all bonded together no matter where we are on the path.

  8. Amen sister! I think that when a couple is ready, truly ready for a child, a day seems like forever. I don’t tell very many people about our fertility issues, but a common response when I do is, “Don’t worry, its only been a year.” Ugh. How insensitive.

  9. EC

    I’m so out of the loop…I don’t even know what the show is! 🙂

    I’m sorry you felt hurt by people’s comments. I read something similar a while ago that prompted a whole discussion about this topic. That one, though, wasn’t focused on time, but type of treatment. It was the same general idea, though. I don’t like that line of thinking, either…I think it can be quite hurtful.

    I may be unique in this, but for me, the first few months of dealing with infertility were the most difficult. Dealing with it in my first marriage was so much harder than it is right now, because my expectations were different this time (plus, now I have an amazing, supportive husband). Sure, I was nervous to start trying (because of dealing with infertility in the past), and I was definitely upset when I didn’t get pregnant. Once I knew I was back in the infertility boat, though, I was able to much more quickly adjust my thinking, expectations, etc. I already knew a lot about it, from all the research I did when I was married and ttc the first time. It’s hard, but the first year was harder for me.

    I guess my point is that every person is different, and every person or couple deals with things in their own way. It’s not up to anyone else to evaluate how they should feel about it.

  10. I don’t think the timeline matters…the emotional toll compounds on everyone differently, regardless of how long you’ve been ‘trying’. We’re proof that different things and times are for different folks…but we’re all still walking the IF road together.

    Glad to be walking it with ladies like you! 🙂

  11. I think I get what you’re saying. I still feel a bit like I’m not a real IF Pro–like I have to have a pregnancy loss or get into IVF before I truly count. But my heart started to break after about 6 months. Like others have said, it’s all about the pain, not the time.

  12. A

    Yah, I wrote a post a long time ago about my reactions to Josh & Anna Duggar saying they struggled with getting pregnant, and it only took them FOUR MONTHS. But, as I wrote, I think anyone who has to TRY to have kids feels afraid/worried/stressed in some respect, doesn’t matter if you haven’t been trying for 2 years. I am glad you’re a part of this community! We were all trying for x number of months at some point!

  13. Amen!! Love this post and it is so true. The feelings are there instantly as soon we know things aren’t working. It doens’t matter how long it took to get to that point, it’s still devastating! I am so thankful to have this community and to have “met” you!!

  14. rainingblossoms

    What a great post! I started to blog just 5 months after we started TTC. I felt so lost, confused, and worried that I needed an outlet. When I first started interacting with the IF community I felt like I was a “newbie”. I quickly realized that we all have good days and bad days…and we need the support of others, no matter how long we have been “trying”. I am so thankful to have found such a wonderful group of supportive people!

    BTW, I love the new design. Very cool.

    • Thanks. I made it myself after messing with things for a bit.

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