Down

If you don’t feel like reading a depressing entry go read a different entry elsewhere.

It all started yesterday. Yes, you know I got a negative result. Yes, it may be too early, but I doubt it. I was doing ok in the morning though I felt a bit off because of post nasal drip. However, I picked myself up and went out with the husband for the day. I was a little cranky and withdrawn when seeing some of our friends. Wasn’t really in the mood to chit chat. Husband thought I was being cranky and first thought it was my blood sugar and then realized why. Went to the mall with husband and his brother which was nice. After that we went home.

When I got home I started catching up with all of your blogs. An Lin’s announcement caught me off guard. Side note – Girl, I am totally happy for you, don’t let this entry bring you down from your high. An the tears started. Why not me? I know that I haven’t been at this as long as some of you, but it’s starting to really get me down. I am beginning to feel like all people have to do to get pregnant is be on my reading list. There has a been a big boom of pregnant infertiles and while I think that is great, I feel like I’m being left behind. Husband tried to comfort me, but didn’t know what to say. He just held me while I cried and cried until there were no more tears. But then we started talking again and there were more tears. I must have cried for at least an hour on and off. My husband said that if reading about people getting pregnant is bothering you this much, maybe you should take a break from reading them. I thought about it, but I don’t think I could. I enjoy the support and knowing that someone else is going through what I’m going through. But also, what else would I do? Right now I am a housewife who volunteers twice a week. That is my life. I have infertility and pregnancy in my brain 24/7 and it won’t get out of my head. I feel like it is pulling me down. I need to find something that will bring some happiness in my life to keep me out of my own thoughts, but I just don’t know what that thing is.

I know I am in the down slide. There are emotions that go with every part of the cycle. When you realize that the current cycle is a bust and you have to get your period and then wait to do all this crap all over again it’s not a fun time. Hopefully something good will happen soon or I will find something that makes me happy.

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10 Comments

  1. I’m sorry you’re so down. I was there last month when AF showed on Thanksgiving after my third medicated IUI. it took me a little while to get on my feet again. The comments from other infertile bloggers really helped me a lot, and I am now in a more hopeful place. I hope you feel better soon. Just know there are still A LOT of us who still aren’t getting their BFPs!!!

  2. We all go through so many emotions each cycle, wherever we are in this TTC journey. Don’t feel badly for yours. In fact, you’re brave to talk about how you are feeling so candidly.

  3. Hmmmm, that’s funny. You read my blog, and there ain’t no way in hell I’m getting preggies anytime soom 😉 I agree that there have been a lot of annoucements lately in our IF circle, so I feel your pain. But, your day will come, too. It has to! Sometimes I think I should take a break from reading blogs, but in the end, I kinda find it therapeutic.

    By the way, AF’s on the way for me too. *thinking of you*

  4. EC

    I’m sorry! I wish there were something I could say that would make things easier for you. I hope that you have a bfp soon so you can put this behind you!

  5. I am so sorry!!!
    I am in the same “down in the dumps” boat as you are right now. Wish we could get together and vent 🙂 I feel like I’m getting left behind too… we will get through it. It is nice to have such wonderful husbands that have a shoulder to lean on! That itself is a true blessing!
    Praying for you girl!

  6. I’m sorry you’re so down. I can totally empathize with you. I know you know it’s normal, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Hang in there. It WILL get better.

  7. JC

    I’m sorry!! I wish there was more I could say or do. Sometimes you just have those days when all you can do is cry. I bawled in the freaking orthodontist office today, bawled. Then on the way to work and home. I thought I was doing “good” too. I hope you feel better soon. I agree, a lot of people have gotten pregnant recently, and I happy for them, but I’m not sure I believe it’ll ever happen to ME. I hope you get a BFP soon!

  8. Jessica

    I know how much this sucks!! I am so sorry that you are feeling down, but just know you are not alone. I am happy for “infertiles” when they get pregnant but I feel the same way…when is it going to be my turn!!! Hang in there…

  9. Al

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so down in the dumps. I know what you mean about feeling left behind. It sucks. It’s so hard.

    I find that after the tears, with each new cycle comes new hope and another chance that things will work. I like to think the each cycle with my RE I have a little bit better of a chance {though I have no clue what those chances are} of being successful (since they know more about my cycle each time). And maybe that’s just mind games to keep me sane, but it helps me relax that yet another month has gone by and it wasn’t my turn.

    Hang in there. *hugs*

  10. Hang in there LFL. Down days are a sad reality in these parts. Sometimes a good cry is the only thing you can do.

    You are honing in on the BFP, I know it’s going to happen for you.

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