If you don’t feel like reading a depressing entry go read a different entry elsewhere.
It all started yesterday. Yes, you know I got a negative result. Yes, it may be too early, but I doubt it. I was doing ok in the morning though I felt a bit off because of post nasal drip. However, I picked myself up and went out with the husband for the day. I was a little cranky and withdrawn when seeing some of our friends. Wasn’t really in the mood to chit chat. Husband thought I was being cranky and first thought it was my blood sugar and then realized why. Went to the mall with husband and his brother which was nice. After that we went home.
When I got home I started catching up with all of your blogs. An Lin’s announcement caught me off guard. Side note – Girl, I am totally happy for you, don’t let this entry bring you down from your high. An the tears started. Why not me? I know that I haven’t been at this as long as some of you, but it’s starting to really get me down. I am beginning to feel like all people have to do to get pregnant is be on my reading list. There has a been a big boom of pregnant infertiles and while I think that is great, I feel like I’m being left behind. Husband tried to comfort me, but didn’t know what to say. He just held me while I cried and cried until there were no more tears. But then we started talking again and there were more tears. I must have cried for at least an hour on and off. My husband said that if reading about people getting pregnant is bothering you this much, maybe you should take a break from reading them. I thought about it, but I don’t think I could. I enjoy the support and knowing that someone else is going through what I’m going through. But also, what else would I do? Right now I am a housewife who volunteers twice a week. That is my life. I have infertility and pregnancy in my brain 24/7 and it won’t get out of my head. I feel like it is pulling me down. I need to find something that will bring some happiness in my life to keep me out of my own thoughts, but I just don’t know what that thing is.
I know I am in the down slide. There are emotions that go with every part of the cycle. When you realize that the current cycle is a bust and you have to get your period and then wait to do all this crap all over again it’s not a fun time. Hopefully something good will happen soon or I will find something that makes me happy.
- Posted in: Infertility